If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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