i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
