I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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