I just threw up on my dentist
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
