i jhust puked up my retainher.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
My bed smells like the plague
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