and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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