Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
MIDGETS
????
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
