the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
