I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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