I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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