he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
