My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
