She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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