I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
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