Sry I called you an 8
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
