He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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