So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
