i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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