There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
