I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
