Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
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