Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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