better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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