You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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