I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
