He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
