so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
