I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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