So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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