he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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