another moral hangover. fuck.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize