The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
