please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
