Don't make out with my wife yet
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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