I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
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