Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Randomize
