omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
