You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize