we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Did you just see the Batmobile???
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
