I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
