I'm going to jail i love you
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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