do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
