he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
try to milk me bitch
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
