we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
why does every cop we meet know your name?
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
