we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
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