As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
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