Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I think your dad took our porno
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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