Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
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