hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
