I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Randomize