So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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