She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
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