big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
