It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
