I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Randomize
