she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
