I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
They have beer where we have blood.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
