I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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