It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
