Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
