then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize