Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
