can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
