my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
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