Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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