I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Randomize
