note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
