so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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