His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Randomize
