is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
i now understand why vodka
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Randomize
