i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I'm gonna fight the coyote
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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