he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I think my nap took me to another dimension
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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