i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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