no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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