We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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