We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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