I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I had to cum in my sink.
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