I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I think i got beer on your cat.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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