There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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