Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize