Sorry, I don't speak sober.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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