i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
