I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
