I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Sorry about my life...
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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