You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
