I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize