Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Randomize
