you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
