After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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