Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
