you traded sex for a burrito?
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
