How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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