Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
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