Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Randomize
