To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I think my moral compass just broke
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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