They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Randomize
