I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
