apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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