I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
