I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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