he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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