Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
