By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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